Why Newborn Sleep Isn’t Meant to Be Perfect – and What to Expect Instead

When I became a mummy after years of working as a Norland Nanny and supporting families across the world, I thought I’d feel fully prepared for those early weeks. After all, I’d helped so many babies settle, guided anxious parents, and taught sleep skills with care and confidence.

But when it was my baby, I realised something really important: nothing about newborn sleep is meant to be perfect – and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

I remember those first few weeks with my daughter Poppy, scrolling through my phone at 3am. Our baby WhatsApp group was always full of the same questions:
“Is anyone else’s baby only sleeping on them?”
“Should I be doing something differently?”
“Is it normal to feed this often at night?”

The messages poured in every day. Sleep came up more than anything else. And I understood why – even as a sleep expert. There’s just so much information out there, and most of it is conflicting or overwhelming when you're in the thick of it.

That’s why I’m writing this. To strip it back, reassure you, and offer clear, honest guidance – not unrealistic expectations.

The Pressure to Have a “Good Sleeper”

One of the first things people ask new parents is, “Is she sleeping well?” As if that’s a measure of how well you’re doing. But the truth is, newborns are biologically wired to wake frequently. They need comfort, connection and regular feeds. Sleep at this stage is fragmented, messy, and completely normal.

You haven’t done anything wrong if your baby only sleeps in your arms or wakes up the second you put them down. That’s developmentally appropriate — and totally human.

What’s Normal for Newborn Sleep?

Let me give you the honest version, based on both experience and evidence:

• Newborns need to feed every 2–3 hours, around the clock. Sometimes more.

• They sleep in short bursts, often between 30 minutes to 2 hours.

• They don’t know the difference between day and night yet, which is why they’re often wide awake at 2am.

• They thrive on closeness – being held, rocked, fed to sleep. This helps regulate their nervous system.

Your baby isn’t forming bad habits. They’re forming a bond with you – and learning the world is a safe place.

What Helped Me (and the Families I’ve Supported)

Even when we can’t expect long stretches of sleep in the early weeks, there are simple, gentle things you can do to support better rest – for you and your baby.

1. Learn Your Baby’s Cues

One of the first things I teach families is to notice the early signs of tiredness – like staring off, losing interest in interaction, or slow blinking. Waiting until they’re crying or arching their back means they’re already overtired, and sleep becomes harder.

2. Create a Calm Sleep Space

Even in the early days, a consistent sleep environment makes a difference:

• Dim lights

• Gentle white noise

• Comfortable temperature

• A swaddle (if appropriate and safe)

This helps your baby associate those conditions with sleep, even if they’re napping on you for now.

3. Focus on Rhythm, Not Routine

I always say – don’t worry about having a perfect routine in the newborn stage. It’s far more helpful to find a flexible rhythm: feed, play (just a few minutes!), sleep. This gives your day a gentle flow and helps prevent overtiredness, without being rigid.

4. Protect One Stretch of Sleep for You

If your baby’s first stretch of sleep in the evening tends to be the longest, use it for you – whether that’s to rest, nap, or eat a hot meal. You matter too. It’s not selfish to prioritise your own rest. It’s essential.

5. Step Back Gently Sometimes – and Let Them Try

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn — even after years as a nanny — was not to rush in the moment my baby stirred in the night. As parents, we can settle them faster, we know exactly what they like… but by doing it every time, we sometimes interrupt a moment where they might have just managed to drift back off on their own.

Of course, we respond with love. But sometimes, just giving them a short pause to wriggle, fuss or resettle, can help build their own sleep confidence. It doesn’t mean leaving them to cry. It means offering space before stepping in — and that can be the greatest gift in the long run.

From My Heart to Yours

I’ve been there – bleary-eyed at 3am, wondering if I was doing it all wrong. And I’ve sat with so many parents who feel the same.

But hear this: you’re not doing it wrong. You’re parenting a brand-new little human, who doesn’t yet know how to sleep – but will, in time, with love and gentle support.

Newborn sleep isn’t about perfection. It’s about survival, connection, and building trust. And if you’re reading this in the thick of those early days – please know that this season won’t last forever.

Need a Helping Hand?

If you’re struggling with unpredictable naps, constant night waking, or just need reassurance that you’re on the right track, I’d love to help. You can:

• Download my free Sleep Needs Chart to check what’s realistic at every age

• Take my quick Sleep Quiz to get tailored advice

• Or book a Rescue Call – a one-hour session for £98 – where we’ll work through your current sleep challenges and come up with clear, gentle next steps that work for your family

You're not alone. You're not failing. You're doing an incredible job.